In Search of the Most Amazing Thing

When I was a kid, I had a Commodore 64 computer...state of the art, let me tell you. Despite the fact that it was revolutionary in bringing the PC into the American home, for my family, it was the revolution in video gaming, totally left our Atari in the dust. I still get nostalgic about playing The Last Ninja, Kung-Fu Master, Wizard...but there was one game that stands out. My brother had a game called "In Search of the Most Amazing Thing." Honestly, when I think about the game, I don't remember playing it much, mainly because my engineer uncle messed up the programming trying to understand how the computer game worked, but it was a little beyond my level of understanding at the time.

Surely it was a source of frustration for my older brother, me looking over his shoulder as he played it, all the while asking him what move he was going to make and what the book said he had to do next. I was captivated by the idea that we were getting one step closer to THE MOST AMAZING THING. I wanted to know what it was, what could possibly amaze me more than any other thing? I had to find out, and I wanted desperately to help my brother, to solve the puzzles, discover new clues and beat the game, finding out what was the most amazing thing. We never did. Thanks, Uncle Matt.

Life is interesting, there are so many interesting things to see, learn, smell, attempt. But honestly, life without the Search for the Most Amazing Thing is pretty dull, just more stuff. Of course, I am not talking about an early 80s video game, I am talking about that life of impossibilities becoming realities, a life flowing with the rhythm of God's beating heart, constantly becoming aware of those things that are not seen or heard. So, I have begun my search.

Fortunately, not to belittle the Lord's ways, but he reveals Himself to us in a way similar to a video-game. The game starts simply, usually in a way that trains you to play more difficult levels, and along the way, you can search out as much or as little that is hidden in the game that you want. I have always been one of those people that obsesses about hidden secrets in the game. I love secrets, because they are usually guarded by puzzles or challenges. Not only is my curiosity peaked, but I have to adapt my thinking and reach in within myself to discover something I never knew was there in order to solve the puzzle and claim the prize. Besides, beating a game is always a let down, because the mystery is gone. But God wraps himself in mystery so that those who truly want to know who He is will get caught up in the discovery process, like I get caught up in finding hidden game secrets. Fortunately, there is no end to His mystery, and unfortunately, that can be frustrating.

Just the other day, I was at the laundromat. While I was there, a girl came in with her mother and she had a cast on her leg. My initial thought was, "Hey, I should heal her leg, that's what Jesus would do." Then I started thinking about all the laundry I had to finish first, how I should approach a young girl and her mother, the fact that the attendant was already locking the doors, how much time was left on the mother's laundry, etc. I honestly don't know if I was more afraid of how she and/or her mother would react, or if I was afraid that nothing would happen when I prayed, and I would look like another crazy fanatical Christian, ruining that girl's chance to ever really know Jesus.

Brave, brave sir Robbins, I bravely turned my tail and fled. I went home and wept until I couldn't breathe. After all the hype about a life of the impossible, I couldn't take the first step to ask her if I could pray for her. But instead of giving up, I asked God for help and told Him that all these miracles, signs and wonders were His idea in the first place, so He was going to have to help me with the courage and boldness to do it. I was pretty distraught about it, at least for a day or two. I didn't understand how I could have been such a coward, when seeing that girl healed is one of those things that I wanted to see so badly.

Well, I imagine God gets excited when His kids learn something new about Him. Later this week, some friends and I went out into the streets to do acts of intentional kindness, and in my mind, I was determined to redeem my cowardly behavior in the laundromat. When I told the Lord that I wanted to pray for a sick person (I can imagine Him and Jesus chuckling, jabbing each other in the ribs), He says, "Ok, go to the department store, there is a healing in there." So I told my friend what I thought God was saying to me, the whole time determined not to chicken out, building up my boldness, almost angry. We walked around the entire store, and didn't see a cast, neck brace, or any indication that anyone was sick. Right when we were about to leave, my path crossed with a pair of ladies and a young man with cerebral palsy. I almost fell over. The Lord had sent me straight to what scared me the most, a real life "impossible" case.

I prayed for the boy, but the whole time in my heart, I wanted to run away as fast as I could. I was so scared. The boy was not healed right there, God knows what His plan for that boy is. The ladies did appreciate it, and when we left, the boy was grinning from ear to ear. I felt better for having not chickened out, and that is when the Lord started revealing Himself to me. He does not want me to seek out healing, signs, wonders, miracles, and all that. What He wants is for me to seek Him, and step out from a place of faith based on knowing Him intimately. When I step out, He will back me up. Cerebral palsy is no more difficult for Him than a headache. God is the prize behind the puzzle, not a healed boy.

I feel like the apostles wondering why they couldn't cast out a demon from a certain person in scripture, and Jesus's reply is that those demons only come out through much prayer and fasting, and he casts the demon out like it were nothing. I never understood that passage, because I never liked to fast, and praying is only now becoming less burdensome. But I understand His response better now. The Lord gives us knowledge and wisdom as we seek Him out. He lets us go as far as we want with it, without forcing us any which way. But the more intimate we become with Him, the more we come to know Him, we gain new realms of spiritual authority. Jesus only said and did what He saw the Father say and do. That is real intimacy. That is real impossibility. That is the real mystery. That is what I want.