Vulner-almost

I am one of those volcanic bloggers, the kind that lets the pressure build until I have no other choice but to spew out a steady stream of the burning within me. Hopefully, one day, the stream will flow freely, but for now I am what I am.

In the last few months, I have become involved with co-organizing a christian young adults "gathering" in my town, the purpose of which was to discuss the paradoxical issues that christians face today. The catch phrase of the group is something to the effect of "living the unexpected." This last Sunday evening, we met, and the discussion centered around freedom, the freedom proclaimed by Jesus. We discussed what freedom looked like, freedom to be ourselves, freedom from sin, freedom from fear, freedom from keeping up "good Christian" appearances, and freedom that comes from the revelation of the Truth of God.

Firstly, it is important that I explain the fact that I am not so much a participant in these discussions, rather I handle the sound and overheads (I always get roped into the techie jobs) and I help the leadership get the job done. There are a handful of us in leadership, some of whom are local leaders in churches, and the main leader, who hails from out of town. The purpose of these discussion groups is to challenge and activate local college-age people who are seeking a life with God.

The group has met three times so far (once a month for the last three months) and the discussions have been interesting to say the least. The discussion on freedom at one point turned toward the importance of having people in our lives that know everything about us, that speak into our lives and can help correct us, encourage us, etc. In other words, we need people to whom we confess our sins, so we can be free from a secret life of sin, we need to become vulnerable to other people.

Obviously, this is no easy task, maybe easier for some than for others, but it is not easy opening up completely for anyone, because we all have been wounded at some point in our lives by those sorts of people. Finally, I have arrived at the point of this blog, only took five paragraphs.

We talk about being vulnerable, being transparent, being open. We talked about it last night, but I don't think we really TALKED about it. For the sake of clarification, lets call it "woundability." What does that really mean? I used to think of vulnerability as the ability to be wounded, but hopefully not wounded. I never verbally translated it that way, but nobody likes to be wounded, especially by people close to us. So I thought of vulnerability as something to be approached but not embraced. Maybe I am not making myself clear.

I'll try a metaphor. Think of a war. I used to think of vulnerability or "woundability" as a soldier peaking up over his cover or barricade and giving someone a possible shot at him for however brief a time, before he puts his head back down behind his cover. Is that freedom? There is still a protection that the soldier can duck behind, and there is still a feeling that he cannot leave his protection and walk around "freely."

Vulnerability is the ability to be wounded, but I believe it goes a bit further. I believe the kind of vulnerability that Christians are called to is the embracing Jesus' words that "offenses will come." Picture the soldier getting out from behind his cover and walking strait up to the enemy line, weaponless, no armor, and telling the enemy that they lost the war.

Obviously to think of enemies is a little extreme, because in life, usually those that offend us truly and deeply are those we care about the most, friends, family, spouses. Once we embrace the fact that we will be wounded, when wounds come, we are drawn to the healing arms of Jesus, the Resurrection and the Life. I don't know about you, but His arms are my favorite place to be. I don't like to be wounded, I don't like pain, I don't want to be uncomfortable. But if I come closer to God through it all, I welcome wounds, pain and discomfort that only He can heal.

In our discussion group, I didn't mention this. Possibly I didn't mention it because most of the participants are so afraid of being embarrassed in front of their peers, that it would have fallen on deaf ears. The leadership has been trying to get these guys to open up in our discussions, and they aren't budging, and most people don't want to be forced into situations where they are empowered to be vulnerable.

Its great to talk about freedom, but living it is a guarantee that you will be wounded. How many of us really go to the Lord in prayer, thanking Him that we are free, free to forgive our wounders, free to receive a wound knowing that it should draw us nearer to Him, free to live a life as He did, surrendering himself physically to death and emotionally to be spit upon and despised by the apple of His eye?